i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
