So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
