sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
