then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
