He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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