I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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