She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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