I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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