Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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