I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
