Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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