im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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