I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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