she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
