go do what you do best...puke behind churches
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
