I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
