Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
