I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
