I want to make a zoo with you.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
