I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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