so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
