Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
