I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
