How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
