How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
