Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
