There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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