I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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