the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Randomize
