john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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