Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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