You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
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