don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
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