Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
