the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
