I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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