those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
