Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
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