Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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