After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
