I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
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