Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
