Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
