Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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