i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
