I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
