FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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