I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
