apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
