I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
