I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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