shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
tell me about the eggs
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
