is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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